Lightning Never Strikes Twice

            My husband and I found out we were expecting again after our unknown miscarriage only one short month later. This was due to extreme  effort. In my desperate attempt to heal my broken heart I wanted a baby to take the place of the ones I had to give back to God before I was ready. We told everyone as soon as we found out. We had kept the passing of our baby earlier in the year to our selves because I just could never seem to find the words to say my baby died. We were so excited. In the Back of my mind I kept saying lightening doesn't strike the same place twice. Everything will be fine. This will be my rainbow baby.
           I called my OB/GYN as soon as I saw the positive on the pregnancy test. They scheduled me to come in when I was 10 weeks. Since I had only one miscarriage after my "live births" I was low risk. I was so blissful. I was able to have a baby. I knew I could do it. I was women. I knew I was going o prove it to myself that I could have a baby. I was good enough. Everything went great and I milked it a little. I started wearing maternity clothes the moment I found out. I wanted to feel everything as much as I could. I knew the pain of not having a child and this was covering it so well. I felt almost normal.
        In September I was at my 8 week mark and it was my husbands birthday and I was planning a big dinner for him. I had just driven 45 minutes to pick him up a salted caramel cheese cake from my hometown. I started bleeding on the way home.
         Lightning Never Strikes the Same Place Twice.......right?
       I called my OB as soon as I saw the blood. He advised me that it is normal to have some bleeding in the first few weeks. But since I am rH negative I should go to my local labor and delivery and receive a Rhogam shot. I walked in to the hospital and was directed up to get the shot. I was so excited to rub my belly as I walked past the newborns and see the beautiful smiles of everyone coming and going from the wing of the hospital. I was so happy. I was directed to my room and changed in to a gown. The nurse informed m that they needed to draw blood before they could give me the shot. I was fine with that and excited to see what my hormone levels where climbing to.
        The bleeding continued and got slightly heaver. I was still chanting Lightening never strikes twice over and over. I knew I would be fine. I read all the blogs, I knew the terminology, I was informed this time. I was going to get my baby. It was my husbands birthday weekend and we were going to have such great family time and an amazing meal. Nothing bad was going to ruin my plans. About 3 hours after my blood was drawn I asked to nurse what my hormone levels were. She told me and I knew they were only at what they should be at the one month mark. They were very low even for that. As soon as she told me this I collapsed on to the floor.
         She did not know my dates and this was not my normal hospital so she was looking at me as if I was a mad women. I explained to her in between sobs that I was supposed to be at 8 weeks and was sure on my dates. She understood then and asked how my bleeding was. It had increased. I was broken. They did a transvaginal ultrasound to see if they could tell for sure what was happening. As soon as the screen focused in on the gestational sac I saw that