The Long Road to Understanding

         I have decided that I would share my story of loss with the world. I have spent many years hiding the pain and anger away from everyone. I am a women who has had four miscarriages, I am no longer hiding from this fact. I have come to terms with the label and now accept it as a badge of courage and strength. I am hoping to share my pain in hopes that I will be able to educate and empower women as a whole.
       I never heard of miscarriage until I had my first. I was not informed on the choices and options that a mother has even after suffering a great loss. I was lead to think this was something that no one wanted to hear or believe was happening. This is false. Women every where want to tell their stories. It is birth of one of your children after all. We made life and had to return it to quickly, but it was there no the less. It was real, the baby was and is real. I had first miscarriage when I was 14 years old. I knew I was to young to care for a baby, but my pain was real I deserved to feel it. That sentence has taken years to be able to write. Then by the grace of God I was given two babies to have on Earth and call my own.  I had a perfectly normal pregnancy and gave birth to a 8lbs. 21 inch baby girl then two years later had an other perfect pregnancy where I had a 8lbs 9oz 21 1/4 inch long baby girl. They are the light of my life. I was beyond happy and whole heartedly believed that my miscarriage in the past was far behind me never to show its ugly head again.
          I was wrong. My husband and I have always wanted a large family so began to try for our third. We got pregnant very quickly and were so thrilled. Then at 8 weeks we lost our angel. We were crushed. We waited and tried again got pregnant 3 months after our loss. I knew that lightening would not strike twice so I was calm and happy. We went to out doctor for our 8 week appointment and found out our HCG level were far to low and we would shortly miscarry. We did at 9 weeks with our angel. We were so lost at this point. I was a mess and my husband was crushed. Then we became obsessed with getting pregnant and we got our wish. We found out in Oct. of 2013 that we were expecting. We were scared but we passed the 8 week mark fine then the 12 week mark and we knew we would be fine. Everyone knows after firs trimester your fine right,,,,, well we were not. We lost our babies at 15 weeks, a set of identical twins.
        I will write more detailed accounts of each miscarriage in posts t follow. The emotional pain that sharing these stories is to much for one day. I want toe educate women and bring light to a hidden pain of our gender. I want to have my daughters educated about this so they know how to handle the pain if they must one day. If and I pray they never do I want them to be able to understand what someone is going through. I hope to hear stories and see how others have handled to pain of losing a child. Healing will happen it takes time.